Goals Summary 2020 – wk #22

This week went by pretty quick. Again. For a minute, I felt more normal. I don’t know if that makes sense, but we got out of the house for a couple of hours and I think that helped.

Last Week

  • Tavi revisions
  • Post another HQR video
  • Read 100pgs of The Priory of the Orange Tree
  • Write 800+ words

How’d I do?

  • Tavi revisions
    • Yep. Not a ton, but enough to count it as progress.
  • Post another HQR video
    • … No. This one’s intimidating. I don’t know how to talk about this book. I’ll try again this week.
  • Read 100pgs of The Priory of the Orange Tree
    • Hahaha, no.
  • Write 800+ words
    • No, but I did write a bit and finally finished that fanfic piece I was stuck on. So, hurray!

Weekly Word Count: 440

I’ve been all over the place this week. I seriously considered working out, but didn’t. I played more Dragon Age, which was nice and sufficiently escapist. I revised nine chapters of Tavi, but didn’t really read much and have a bunch of work work to do this week and the world’s on fire and I think I need to take a break. Specifically a social media break. But, this is important. It feels wrong to back away, feels wrong to press pause. But I’m sitting here on the verge of tears after a day of consuming videos and press releases and protesters’ comments.

It’s important. This moment, this movement is IMPORTANT. I am a middle class, CIS White woman. I am pretty damn far removed from the experiences that fuel these protests and still I am exhausted. I am emotionally shredded. And this feeling is a farce compared to what Black people in America face every day.

There’s a march scheduled for this Saturday. I plan to be there.

Besides blog posts, I am avoiding social media today. It’s not even 10am and already that’s proved a lot harder than it should be. This break is going to be good for me.

So, What’s Next?

  • Tavi Revisions
  • HQR video
  • Read something
  • Write 800+ words

You know. Lather, rinse, repeat. The day job is ratcheting up because there’s only two weeks of school left, I imagine that the first two weeks of June will be slow writing/editing-wise.

I just gotta stay afloat for 12 more days and then it’s summer and my time is officially my own.

Until then, Bloggos.

 

BZ

 

 

Remote

I’m feeling it today.

So far, my isolation hasn’t been so bad. I’m an introvert, a much bigger one than many people realize. I’ve worked 10+ years in Customer Service, I can be bubbly and outgoing, upbeat and go-getting. But that’s Work Brittany. When I’m just me, things are much quieter and calmer. And I like it that way.

I’ve left the house maybe four times in almost three weeks. I’m reading more than ever, playing piano again, focusing on improving my writing craft, working out, and trying new things with these book review videos. I’ve focused on using this time to relax and engage myself in a lot of different ways. Gotta follow that intention: REPLENISH.

But, today is the first day back at work. And being at home, glued to my laptop, waiting for a notification that I’m required for SOMETHING has me suddenly melancholy. I miss my library. I miss the kids who can hardly wait for me to turn on the lights and boot up my computer before they come in to talk to me. I wonder how they’re doing and hope they’re okay and not too scared.

And I’m sorry I can’t be there for them.

I woke this morning and, for the first time in two weeks, followed my usual routine: Alarm scares the shit out of me, I grumble and get dressed. Brush hair and teeth, necklace, four rings, bracelet, two pairs of earrings. Quick check: is yesterday’s makeup presentable? Yes? Gucci. Then I shuffle my way out to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee.

It’s supposed to give me a sense of normalcy, but the little differences are more than enough to remind me that there is no normal right now.

Instead of my black tumbler with the district logo, I’m drinking my coffee out of a small Eeyore mug that I got at an outlet mall for two dollars. It’s my favorite mug, but I’ve only ever used it at home.

I’m not wearing shoes. I know that’s easily remedied — just go put some shoes on, dork! — But it also seems weird to wear shoes when I’m just going to sit at my desk.

Outside, the sun decided to make an appearance, but it’s still so cold out that opening a window isn’t really an option. I’m feeling cooped up, as I’m sure we all are. Hubs goes to work each day (turns out, banks are essential) and I stay behind. This last week was all rain, all the time (“it can’t rain all the time”) and I haven’t been outdoors other than a trip across the cul-de-sac to check the mail. State and National Parks are closed in Oregon, so I can’t go hiking. And I’m just sitting here trying not to spiral out into thoughts of being trapped.

Because, when I don’t let myself get too philosophical, I’m actually doing all right. Reading, writing, editing, making videos. I’m keeping busy, but all of that has felt like an interim, the stuff I do while I wait to see what I’ll actually be doing when I get back to work.

I guess what I’m saying is, although I feel more connected to myself and my creativity than I have in a long time, I’m feeling cutoff from everything else. I feel like the world outside my house is unreachable, a pretty panorama to look at through the windowpanes. And no amount of FaceTime and phone calls seem to help.

I am remote.

 

BZ