Goals Summary Wk 41

Hello Blogland!

I’m writing this before work, so my time is limited. Let’s get right to it!

Last week’s goals were:

  • Publish two blog posts
  • Madhu’s Chapters
  • The Steel Aramada chapter 3 edits
  • Start Sanctified chapter 29
  • Read The Stone Sky

How did I do? Well, there were two blog posts, including a Call for Submissions from The Audient Void! I think I actually pulled double duty on Madhu’s chapters last week, doing double the reading and editing, but I’m honestly not totally sure. I know I read at least 20 pages for her though. I finally did my edits on chapter 3 of The Steel Armada, which is proving very difficult to motivate myself to do. I also wrote about 500 words for Sanctified chapter 29, in addition to another 1800 words for an unrelated short story. So, not a bad writing week either, all things considered. I did not finish any reading last week, which is bad, because I am seriously falling behind in my Reading Challenge.

What do I want to do this week?

  • Publish two blog posts
  • Mahu’s chapters
  • The Steel Armada edits, chapters 4+5
  • Finish chapter 29 of Sanctified
  • Read Audient Void submissions
  • READ The freaking Stone Sky

So, a bit more on my plate this week. We’ll see how it goes. I’ve already read one to story for The Audient Void, and let me tell you, this is going to be an experience. There are a lot of writers out there with a lot of stories. It’s really interesting to see how different people interpret story ideas, that’s for sure.

In addition to the above, I also have some tumblr prompt fills I’ve fallen behind on, and my Inktober doodles to catch up on! So, it’s going to be a busy week!

Wish me luck, Blogland!

 

BZ

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Goals Summary wk 40

Hey Blogland,

So, goals.

Last week:

  • Publish 2 blog posts
  • Madhu’s chapters
  • Revise The Steel Armada chapters 2+3
  • Start chapter 28 of Sanctified
  • read The Stone Sky

Well, it wasn’t my best week, but it wasn’t my worst either. I did publish two blog posts, including the review for The Dire King. I got Madhu’s chapters done, and wrote chapter 28 of Sanctified. I only edited about half of the page I needed to for The Steel Armada, and only read about 20 pages The Stone Sky.  I did start and finish the White Night audiobook, though, so there’s that!

So, what about this week?

  • Publish 2 blog posts
  • Madhu’s chapters
  • Revise The Steel Armada chapter 3
  • Start Sanctified chapter 29
  • Read The Stone Sky

So, pretty similar to last week. But, I don’t have any obligations on Thursday, so hopefully I’ll get even more done!

I’ll be back later this week with the review for White Night. Until then, Blogland!

 

BZ

 

P.S. here’s a picture I drew for Mass Effect Inktober on Tumblr.  Enjoy my terrible artwork!

Inktober Thresher Maw

This one is my favorite so far.

Goals Summary Wk 39

Hi Blogland!

For the first time in over 6 months, I am here to share my goals with you all! It feels so good!

So, what did I set out to do last week? As follows, according to my whiteboard:

  • Publish two blog posts
  • Madhu’s chapter revisions
  • Implement TSA chapter 1 revisions
  • Finish Sanctified chapter 27
  • Apply for position at a nearby library

And… moment of truth. How did I do?

I published two blog posts, including the book review for Proven Guilty. I not only got Madhu her revisions, but also helped her prep her query letter and a fellowship application. I implemented her suggestions and revisions for The Steel Armada chapter 1, and it’s much stronger for it.  I also finished chapter 27 of my fanfic, which allowed me to post chapter 25! And I applied for that job!

So, first week back in the game and I got everything done!!! I am doing happy dances over here, just so you know.

Now, what’s the goal this week?

IMG_20171001_213448

Exhibit A of “I Cannot Draw”

  • Publish two blog posts
  • Madhu’s chapter revisions
  • Implement TSA chapters 2+3 revisions
  • Finish reading The Stone Sky
  • Start Sanctified Chapter 28

In addition to the above I have some Audient Void business this week (issue #4 is out now!), as well a month-long doodle challenge on Tumblr. I cannot draw to save my life, but it’s proving fun so far.  I also need to think about NaNo WriMo and what I’m going to do for that. If I can get Sanctified finished by then, it would really help me refocus on From the Quorum, which is the project I’d like to work on for NaNo. But, we’ll see. I’ve got this month to write about 5 chapters and get this fanfic wrapped up.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got going on for now. Should that change, be sure you’ll hear all about it. I’ll see you soon with a book review for William Ritter’s The Dire King, the final book in his Jackaby series.

Until then, Blogland,

 

BZ

If I’m Being Honest

Okay. I’m here. I’m back in my office and I’ve updated my whiteboard for the first time in over a month. And I have to say, it feels really good. I’ve been out of sorts for months now, really since March. I have learned that I am a creature of habit, more so than I already acknowledged, and this summer has put forth a concerted effort to keep me from doing anything in any semblance of routine.

Week-long video game binges, my husband lost his job, two of my biggest music icons took their own lives, my best friend almost died, and then we had extended house guests for the first time in my life. Coupled with applying, interviewing, and being denied two full time positions at my work and really I’m just a ball of rubber-bands stretched too tight: one has got to snap eventually.

I think the only thing that kept me from snapping was all the fanfic I wrote, and the friends I made on tumblr because of it. Since mid-April, I’ve written 168,799 words of fanfiction. Just… let that number sink in. 168 THOUSAND 799 words.

Of fanfiction.

I’m still trying to convince myself that’s okay. Anyone I talk to in my personal life or online seems to find it incredible and awesome. Thanks guys! But, my writer brain is still royally pissed that all that effort and output went to fanfiction.

But, if I’m 100% honest, I really LOVED writing it, and I fully intend to finish it before the end of the year. Also, I’m going to continue to write small prompts and drabbles, because they are fun, and I need writing to be fun still. Also, this year has shown me that I am absolutely capable of writing a novel in a month (if it’s a short one).

I’m not good at being honest with others when it comes to my mental health. I internalize everything, and I am usually the “solid” person in my circle of friends. I give advice and keep my shit together. So, when I start to break under pressure, or when my mind is trying to sabotage me, I don’t feel like I have anyone to tell, other than my husband. And even then, he had just as tough a summer as I did so it was easy to convince myself not to make things harder on him by being completely honest. So, I drop hints that I’m not feeling myself, to which he’s receptive, and we commiserate about our mild depression.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling isolated, raw, and like a useless piece of shit. And it’s all my own fault. I know it is. I could just talk to someone, and feel one hundred times better. I KNOW this. And now I understand why so many people never suspect the depths of their loved ones’ depression, why so many suicides are so shocking. Because, you can KNOW what you need to do to fix things, to make yourself feel better, and it doesn’t matter. You can know it, but you’re powerless to either find the right words, or time, or simply the energy to bring it up.

I want to note that, the fact that I’m here, talking about this means I’m feeling much better and am confident that I am on the path to getting back to my old self. I also want to state that at no point this summer did I contemplate any sort of self-harm. I was/am depressed, for the first time in a way that was recognizable to me, and that has shone a light on what it must be like to battle these feelings constantly. I understand now, in my own small way, how exhausting it must be and how incredibly lonely, even if you’re good at putting on a brave face and doing things to convince others you’re okay.

I understand, and I’m so sorry anyone has to put up with these constant feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and loneliness. And I know that, for many people, it doesn’t end. There doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, where someday you’ll feel good again and actually want to do something productive with your time.

And I’m so sorry, I wish I knew better how to help.

But, I’m seeing that light now, and I’m gifted days of incredible output and energy. I fully intend to make good on them.

So, later this week I will be back to talk about Proven Guilty. I’ve made some goals for the rest of the week, and if they go well, I’ll be back on Monday to do a goals summary for the first time in over six months!

Until then, Blogland,

 

BZ

Goals Summary wk 11

Hi all,

Gonna keep this brief. I think. I wanted to let you know that  I’ve been using the Windows laptop exclusively now for about a month. I like it. I’m acclimating, and in general it’s much more reliable than my poor, ancient Macbook. It was the right decision to transfer over.

Last week’s goals were extremely straightforward. Publish two blog posts, and write the Mass Effect Fanfic.

Well,  I didn’t publish two posts, but I wrote over 3,000 words of fic. Plus another 1500 tonight. So that’s going well. I’ve had a few views, multiple follows, and one review so far, which feels really good for only two chapters.

I just posted chapter 3 tonight, so we’ll see how that goes. If you’re interested here’s a link. However, keep in mind that this is fanfiction. It’s barely edited, and not very indicative of my original work. I own nothing in it, it is purely my imagination running wild in a world I love. It’s how I’ve coped with the waiting for Andromeda.

Which is here TOMORROW!!!!! So long world, I’ll see you again in a few weeks/months, depending on how obsessed I become with it. Therefore, I will not be setting any goals for next week, unless you count “not leaving the house until Sunday”.

Until then Blogland,

BZ

Goals Summary wk 10

Hi Blogland,

Just wanted to let you know that I am still here. If you’re following me on Goodreads, then you know that I haven’t read anything at all in the last week. All my spare time is spent researching Mass Effect Andromeda before the EA Early Access opens on Thursday, and playing The Witcher 3 to keep my hands and mind busy.

Geralt

Sorry, Geralt. It’s not you, it’s me.

I did manage to edit a chapter of The Steel Armada last week, so at least there’s that.

And I took the dog on his first hike! We went to Silver Falls State Park, and though it was packed, we had a great time. The dog definitely has a lot to learn, and we need to work on socializing him with other dogs and more people. He gets a little too excited. But, we had fun with good friends on one of the nicest days Oregon has seen in months.

Simons first hike

Just a girl and her Doggo

But, the edits and the hike were the only thing I accomplished last week. And this week I get my hands on the first 10 hours of Mass Effect Andromeda. I’m not even going to kid myself with any sort of goals.

… Although, I was challenged to write a bit of Mass Effect fanfiction. A coworker suggested that I write a piece about a Krogan pastry chef who falls in love with his Salarian coworker. If you’re not into the series, that sentence won’t mean anything to you, but it made me laugh so hard that I’m committed to writing it now. Maybe I’ll do that this week to tide me over once I’m locked out of the Early Access.

I promise, if it turns out worth a damn I’ll post it on ff.net, and link it here.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I haven’t completely forgotten you yet. But, expect that next Monday will be my last post for awhile, as I’ll be living in the Andromeda galaxy come Tuesday.

Until then, Blogland.

 

BZ

Goals Summary Wk 9

Hi All,

I’m gonna keep this brief because my mind is anywhere but here. Tomorrow is the two week mark for the Mass Effect Andromeda release. I am an anxious, impatient, salivating mess. All I can seem to to do is re-watch videos I already have memorized, listen to soundtracks and songs that are reminiscent of space, and my attention span for anything else is just non-existent.

Mass_Effect_Andromeda_cover

Even the cover has me itching to play!

It’s going to be a rough month here at the blog. Probably a rough April too.

So, last week I wanted to:

  • Write chapter 13 of From the  Quorum
    • Done! Finished it up Monday night with 2,992 word sprint.
  • Read The Six-Gun Tarot
    • Not even close. Haven’t even broken 100 pages yet, which is a shame because it’s actually REALLY good so far. Again, no attention span at all.
  • Publish 2 blog posts
    • Done! Last weeks goals post, a general “How’s the Blog Doing?” post, and the book review for The Paper Magician.
  • Continue The Steel Armada edits
    • Done! I’m either on chapter 16 or 17 now, so this area of my life is going very well.

So, last week could have been much worse, and I’m proud of the work I managed to get done.

This week I’m going to be a bit more realistic, because I know myself, and I’m hyper-focusing really hard on gaming, and Mass Effect in particular.

  • Write 1,000 words of From the Quorum
  • Read 200 pages of The Six-Gun Tarot
  • Publish 2 blog posts
  • Continue The Steal  Armada edits

I’m still doubtful that I’ll read that much, but I don’t want to abandon the book. It really is good. But, in my desperation for wonderful, immersive gameplay,  I’ve finished my millionth play through of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, and have picked up The Witcher III just so I can have something to do.

Because I am suffocating without Andromeda. Suffocating. Drowning in lack of gameplay. Like, yes, I love the Dragon Age series, and I’ve played the ever-loving shit out of those games. But, not like I’ve played Mass Effect. I have Mass Effect tattoos. I’ve played the original trilogy five times. I have Mass Effect jewelry, t-shirts, hoodies, and jackets. Hell, I even have Mass Effect socks, and I’m wearing them right now! I have multiple figurines and comics and novels. I’m an avid reader of terrible Mass Effect fan fiction (Dragon Age fics too, for that matter).

This is my all time favorite gaming franchise, and today marks the 5 year anniversary of Mass Effect 3‘s release. I’ve been waiting five years for Andromeda, and now that it’s so close, I’m physically suffering without it.

So, just be prepared for my presence here to dwindle, if not die off completely in the coming months. I swear I will try my damnedest to hold myself accountable and post, but don’t be surprised if I vanish for awhile.

Until Thursday, Blogland.

 

BZ