The Benefits of a Critique Group

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it at this point, but I recently joined/sort started a Science Fiction/Fantasy critique group. We had our second meeting tonight, and as the instigator of the group, I was one of two folks critiqued tonight.

I sent the group the first ~10pgs of Tavi.

I had a lot of feelings about this. Upon sending it I felt confident. I’ve read this book at least seven times. I know it’s good, I just need more eyes on it to ask questions and point out things that might not have occurred to me. But as the time drew nearer, anxiety kicked in. My chest felt tight, my heart raced, and the cold sweats kicked in.

Now, I feel I must explain. This anxiety wasn’t a sudden belief that the book is bad, or that I was a fraud, or any of those other impostery sorts of doubts all writer-folk are prone to. This was a very specific sort of fear:

No one has ever read this book except for me. For three years, this book has been secreted away on the page and in my brain. And now seven strangers have not only read these pages, but they’re going to tell me what they THINK about them???

Yeahhhhh, that ushered in the panic real quick.

But, I want to query agents with this book. I want lots of strangers to read this book. So I have to get over this sudden, unexpected fear. For this alone, I would say participating in this critique group is worth it.

But, wait! There’s more!

They liked it! I mean, there were some critiques, the manuscript isn’t perfect, but the criticisms were largely small, simple fixes that might not even be strictly necessary. They laughed where I wanted them to. They appreciated the tension, and the balance of horror and humor. They quoted some of my lines and descriptions back to me. They… they legitimately LIKED it.

That alone is enough to have me floating on cloud nine tonight, but that isn’t what really made me happiest. I mean, of course people liking my pages made me extremely happy, but it made me happy for a very specific reason.

That validation, babeyy!

I’ve spent over a decade writing. Honing my craft. Experimenting. And all the while my understanding of my work, of what’s “good” and what “works,” has been developing right along with it. My instincts for my writing has been validated tonight. I felt like I finally felt the pay-off for all these years of writing and working on my craft.

This is what it’s for. This is why we do the work. It’s about developing our skills and developing our instincts or understanding our writing.

Now, I know that it won’t be this way each week. I’m sure as get further along (muddy middle anyone?) there will be more criticism. But I’m also sure that most of it, if not all, will be expected. Because I know my work, and I have a newfound trust in my assessment. And that’s extra exciting, because I know this book is very close to being ready to query. It may not even take as long as I originally planned…

God, this just felt so good, y’all. A part of me wishes I’d joined a critique group sooner, but honestly? I don’t think I was ready before now. This is the right time.

Anyway, I’m done gushing. I just wanted to share that having a group to read and discuss your work can be scary, but also so so validating. I can’t wait to read more of the group’s work and to help each other grow as writers

GAH!

Until next time, Blogland.

BZ

Reflection: Nanowrimo 2021

Well. It’s the last day of Nanowrimo. I have five-ish hours to write about 1,200 words in order to reach my EXTREMELY modified goal. Originally the goal was the legit, old school Nanowrimo target: 50k. It became apparent very early on that I would not be making this goal. 

Given the past two years of Pandemic Bullshit™ and the fact that I haven’t written anything super long since I finished the Tavi rough draft in spring of 2019, I’m not surprised that this Nano was a major struggle. I expected it, honestly.

The fact that I could reach 15k on a single project in a month is a major win for me. Breaking 19k total for the month is a HUGE win. It’s more than I’ve written the rest of the year combined. I refuse to feel bad about such success. 

They say that comparison is the thief of joy, but we forget that it applies to not just the world beyond, but within as well. Comparing my output to years past is an exercise in disappointment, when really I should be celebrating this productivity that’s leaps and bounds beyond what I’ve done in recent memory.

I’m headed in the right direction.

Beyond Nanowrimo, I have MORE news! Say what?!

My microfiction piece “Unforgettable” made its way into the City.River.Tree. 2020 Anthology. I may have missed the email about the anthology’s release, and I’m just now realizing it. Whoops.

Point is! My story is available in print! And that always feels amazing! As indicated by all these darn exclamation points!!!!

Ahem. Anyway. That’s the news. If you’d like to read my story, you can find it online here. OR you can support a small, indie microfiction magazine and buy the 2020 Anthology. It’s like, $8. Just sayin’.

All right. That’s enough procrastination. It’s time to get these final words on the page. See you soon, Bloggarts.

 

BZ

Things I Do Instead of Writing

Every writer is familiar with this phenomenon. We have a project we’re working on, and in general we are excited about it. We plug along and the words come and life is good. And then we hit a part of the story that is… not that. Maybe it’s the murky/muddy middle and we don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Maybe it’s a very emotional/exhausting scene and we’re avoiding it. Maybe we just had a realization that warrants extensive revision/rewrites and we’re avoiding THAT. Maybe it’s all three (been there done that).

Point is, that flow? It dams up and we’re suddenly doing anything but writing. It’s a joke online that a writer only has a clean house when there’s something wrong with the book. This is why discipline and habit are so important for writers. We can’t rely on inspiration or interest to keep us writing, because there WILL come a time when we want to do everything but write.

And we have to write anyway.

Discipline and habit. They’re like muscles. And, like the rest of me, they are wildly out of shape. It’s been a rough two years for my writing life. The blog can attest to that. All structure fled my life in the summer of 2019 and I’ve been grasping to wrestle some of it back ever since then. But you know, things haven’t been exactly what we’d call “stable” since March 2020. And as an ADHDer, it feels almost defeatist to make a plan I KNOW will have to change.

So, I’m floundering a little bit. But that’s okay. Because there is a silver-lining here. The “other side” of this procrastination conversation. Because, yes, discipline and habit are the keys to finishing a book. For sure. But, sometimes, the key to solving that problem in the project? That feeling that something just isn’t working and you’re not sure why?

The answer is rarely waiting for you at your desk, staring back out of your screen. The answer is lurking in your brain and it needs a certain amount of idleness to worm its way out. So, avoiding the work can actually help! In moderation, of course.

That’s the real struggle — balancing avoidance and habit. Am I avoiding the work because I need to do some dishes and listen to a podcast so my subconscious can work out an upcoming scene? Or am I avoiding it because I’m scared to write something so I’m going to watch Schitt’s Creek for the millionth time?

Just like with characters, we need to understand our own motivations to know when it’s okay to walk away from the work, and when it’s time to buckle down and get it done.

Today is supposed to be a buckle down sort of day. I have a Black Friday tradition of trying to write 10,000 words in one day. I’ve done it once and it melted my brain for about three days afterward. Lately I’ve written more like 5,000 words on Black Friday, which is still a total win (and is less exhausting). If I hit 5k today, I’ll be happy. If I can eke out more, I’ll be thrilled. We’ll see how it goes.

But I also know my brain and can feel the restlessness in my bones. I think there will be a fair amount of walking away from the desk today. So, here’s a list of things that I tend to gravitate toward when I’m avoiding writing.

• Dishes
  • I’ll do dishes and listen to a podcast or audiobook. This is an avoidance task that also benefits my household and my brain since I usually listen to writing podcasts and nonfiction audiobooks. It tends to be my most productive avoidance task too, because my brain usually figures out the writing problem while running in the background
• Walk the dog
  • Another mutually beneficial task. The dog and I get some exercise, I listen to a podcast, and my brain runs in the background to sort out the damn book. Sadly, this task isn’t always pleasant due to the Oregon tendency to rain all the goddamn time. But, we do our best.
• Read a book
  • This is one that I’m usually okay with. Obviously I love to read, and reading fuels writing. So, it’s at least related. But, reading rarely provides my brain with the sort of idleness that allows for processing. I don’t usually come away from reading with the answer to my book’s perceived problems. But I do come away refreshed and maybe even inspired.
• Write a blog post
  • Yep. I do this quite a bit actually. It seems silly, on the surface, to avoid one writing project for another, but it is all too common. What’s interesting is that it works a fair amount of the time. If I’m feeling sluggish in the morning or at the start of some dedicated writing time, busting out a blog post really helps get my brain in gear and ready to work. That’s why I used to start every writing day with a blog post. And it’s why Vonnegut always wrote 500 words or so on a piece of paper and then threw it away before getting to work on the actual project. Sometimes our brains just need to warm up.
• Play video games
  • This one isn’t really beneficial at all. It’s actually a pretty big indicator that I’m avoiding something not because I need to process but because I’m scared or anxious or similarly in my own head too much. I’m getting in my own way and instead of facing that and dealing with it, I jump into a video game. That said, not every time I pick up a controller is avoidance behavior. I play a fair amount of video games for leisure, so I have to really monitor my feelings and motivations to make sure I’m having fun and not just ignoring my writing.
• Rewatch/Binge TV
  • I’m not really big on watching much TV or movies. It’s a source of contention in my household because Trevor loves movies. So, if I’m watching something over and over again, or bingeing a long series, odds are I’m avoiding the book.
• Work on other projects
  • This is a trap. I start working on a new book and suddenly there are new, shiny projects everywhere! Or, old projects that fell by the wayside FOREVER ago suddenly rear up and demand attention. I will say that I frequently indulge these interest-boosts, but I make stern rules about them. An old fanfic I never finished wants my attention? Not until I’ve met my word count goal for the day. That podcast episode needs editing? Not until I’ve spent X amount of time working on the book. I basically dangle carrots for myself to get work done when I really want to work on something else. And it works!
• Doom Scrolling
  • Social media is fucking awful. And at times, wonderful. I’ve increasingly viewed it less as a virtual living space, and more as a tool. Which I think is much, much healthier. I don’t post much these days, and if I do it’s on twitter or instagram. My facebook is pretty quiet. My tumblr is mostly just reblogs of pretty fanart. Yes, I still have tumblr and I love it very much. Point is, I’m trying to be really cognizant of my time on social media. It’s so easy to lose hours of my day on my phone, with really nothing to show for it. So I’m trying to be better.

Honestly? There are probably a bunch of other avoidance tasks I do on the reg that I’m just not coming up with right now. I haven’t had any writing to avoid for a like a year now, so I’m out of practice. Maybe that means I’ll actually get more than 5k today! We’ll see…

Until later, Bloggarts.

BZ

On Doubt

This morning started with an article from The Writer Magazine in my inbox. Now, I don’t normally read the newsletter-ish sorts of emails that spam my inbox, but this headline caught my pre-coffee brain. Why are Writers so Prone to Self-Doubt?

It made me immediately ask, “Am I prone to self-doubt?” Which is hilarious because I am so anxiety-riddled on a daily basis I can hardly make appointments for basic things and am a constant over-thinker. Of course I’m prone to self-doubt! I’m so prone to it I don’t even recognize it any more!

Anyway, it’s a lengthy article that looks at the various sources of anxiety and doubt for us Writer Types and it got me thinking about what my writerly doubts are and how I’ve coped with them. And since it’s early, and my brain is chugging away at something meaty, I thought I’d share. 

The Big One: Rejection

One thing that the non-writers in my life seem to struggle with is when I tell them I’ve had a story rejected. Usually we’re mid-conversation (or dinner or movie or or or…) and I stop engaging to look at my phone. I’ve received an email from that market that’s had my story for months, and of course the subject line is just “RE: SUBMISSION”. 

Now, I know the odds. Trust me, I’ve received enough rejections (and a few acceptances) at this point to know I am almost certainly looking at a rejection. But there’s that tiny part of me, the Writer who never gives in, that bubbles up in my chest and says, “What if…?”

So I hold my breath (I always do, I can’t help it) and open the email. And — oh look — a rejection. Exhale, screen off, return to the conversation (or dinner or movie or or or…). Of course now I realize how incredibly rude I’ve just been and say, “sorry, just got a rejection.”

Their face does that little crumply frown of concern. “Oh no! I’m so sorry!”

I wave them off. “It’s fine, I just need to remember to send it out again when I get home.” And that just confuses them. And that confused me for a long time. I mean, yes, rejection sucks but it is part of the process if you want your work published. There’s no avoiding it. So, early on, I just sort of braced for impact and gritted my teeth. Ate some ice cream while I spent 15-20 minutes looking for the next market, and then sent it off again.

Now I don’t even bother with the ice cream. 

But for folks unaccustomed to rejection, this is one of their biggest fears. Sharing something they worked hard on, put their soul into and are proud of, only to be told it isn’t good enough. I mean, looking at it like that, it does sound miserable. But… it just doesn’t feel like that anymore. Part of it is the practice, right? You submit, get rejected, submit again and that builds armor. There’s a whole ding-dang blog about it! (Aeryn Rudel’s Rejectomancy is a super neat site that likens rejection to a class in D&D and how you level up and gain armor, etc. Check it out!)

The other part is realizing what I do and don’t have control over. Now, part of being an incredibly Anxious™ person is a desperate need to feel in control of most things. Relinquishing said control is… difficult. But, with publishing there’s no control to be relinquished. I never had any to start with. The only thing I can control is the writing and where I choose to send it. So, to “ease” my anxiety over the whole process, the story must be as good as I can possibly make it and I need to research and carefully choose what markets I submit to. That’s it. That’s all I can do.

It’s all any of us can do. And that’s why I don’t mind rejections. They aren’t personal, they are an inseparable part of the process. 

So, What About My Writing do I Doubt?

Oh man. Well, for awhile, during the pandemic, I actually started to doubt my idea generation. That’s never been an issue for me in the past, but my brain was so creatively empty for so long that I started to wonder if I was tapped out. I now know that I’m fine and have plenty of ideas — my creative brain just decided to take a sabbatical. 

I doubt my ability to write really powerful, literary Speculative Fiction. I’m thinking N.K. Jemisin, Seanan McGuire, and Sam J. Miller here. They are freaking powerhouses writing story after story, novel after novel that just consistently blow my mind. I doubt my ability to blow anyone’s mind, either with plot or craft. That doesn’t mean I’m not trying! I am. Like I said in my post last week, I keep reaching and trying new things because 1. it’s fun, and 2. it’s going to help me grow as a writer. 

Kevin Hearne said it best on his short-lived podcast Ask the Bards, “Write more, write different, write better.”

But, my biggest doubt, or maybe my biggest fear is that I’m too transparent in my work. I don’t realize it while I’m writing, but when I go back to revise so many little things from my life are staring back up at me. To me they are SO. PAINFULLY. OBVIOUS. Anyone who knows me at all is going to read that and see all of me in those lines. Even the parts I don’t typically share. Maybe especially those parts.

We call that vulnerability and I hate it. Anxiety Brain, remember? I can’t control how others perceive me through my writing. Writing is a two-way street, an art experiment that is only complete when read by an audience. I can do my damndest to be clear with my themes and subjects and characters, but ultimately the final interpretation happens within the reader. 

And that I cannot control. 

I try. Oh, do I ever try. I am very selective about who gets to read my drafts. Seeing the work before it’s “finished” is probably the biggest declaration of trust I can ever make. Trust and that I value your opinion. It’s me opening a door into my consciousness and saying, “come on in! Sorry about the mess.”

But even this flex of control is just a balm. Because once a story is published, it is out of my hands. I can’t control who does or doesn’t read it, how they react to it. If they like it. Or how it might change their perception of me. Writer Brittany and World Brittany are two very different people. 

At least, I think they are.

One is meant for public consumption, the face I present at work, in my community, even to my friends to some extent. Writer Brittany is… well she’s real weird, all right? She thinks about death a lot, and about love too. She imagines tentacled, spectral moose monsters attacking subway trains and thinks it’s funny. And she seems kind of obsessed with characters whose decisions lead to isolation and loneliness, because they won’t open up to the people who care about them. 

There’s that vulnerability again. I still hate it. But if it’s there on the page then, yes, people will read it. They’ll see it. But most importantly, they’ll feel it. And they’ll know that, in some ways, the story was real.

That’s called authenticity, and in fiction it is everything. 

The conclusion then is that our doubts and/or fears are probably pointing to areas in our work that we need to embrace. That we should emphasize and focus on. Because what makes us uncomfortable makes us grow, right?

I don’t know, man. Take from that what you will. I have a novel to edit. 

 

BZ

My Process™

Here’s a detailed bullet-point list of my process, for those interested. Because, c’mon, you know you are. Just a little. Please remember that this is not prescriptive. My whole previous post was about how very unique each writer’s process is. I’m sharing mine because people seem to love hearing about writing processes, and because it’s kinda fun to talk about every now and again.

Ahem. On to the list.

1. Get a weird idea for a story. Usually a line of dialogue or an image in my brain.
   1. For instance, the upcoming Pioneer Oregon Weird Western was born from my brain showing me a woman in a leather rain slicker on a horse in the middle of the Santiam Canyon getting drenched and looking rather unhappy about it.
2. Ignore it for awhile.
   1. Stories need time to percolate. The longer I can ignore the siren call the better prepared I’ll be when I actually sit down to write the thing. It’s cooking and it needs to be left to its own devices for a bit.
3. When the time to draft is getting close, start doing any necessary research.
   1. Usually about a month or two before I sit down to write a book, I’ll dive into pretty serious research.
   2. Short stories don’t typically require much research, so I can skip this step for most of them.
4. Make a playlist.
   1. This may seem silly, but this is a very important step for me. Every story, big or small, gets a playlist. I spend a few days searching for songs from all kinds of genres. Songs are usually not only lyrically related, but tonally as well. They sound like the story. I don’t know how better to describe it, but there’s a vibe, okay?
   2. This step helps me cement the tone/atmosphere of the story. But it also becomes a sort of psychological conditioning. I listen to the playlist whenever I work on the story. It becomes the soundtrack and hearing it helps me settle down to the work that much quicker. This is an absolutely vital step in the process for me. It’s my version of prewriting.
5. Write.
   1. This is the Wild West of the process. Every story is different. Some write themselves in a handful of sessions while others are arduous and painfully slow.
   2. Stories take the time they take. Some short stories take a week to write, dumping out over the course of a few days. Others take months with only a few writing sessions here and there. Novels tend to be a much steadier process for me, with dedicated (some would say obsessive) work over a span of six-ish consecutive months.
6. Ignore it again.
   1.  When I reach “The End” I save it and close the document. I get away from it for as long as I can. For short stories a month is usually long enough. For novels… well, they live in my head longer so they require a lot longer to gtfo.
   2. I haven’t perfected the timeframe between the rough draft and edits for a novel. I’ve only done it a few times and each one was different. This current one had a lot of mental health issues to contend with. I was laid off the summer I finished it. Then I started a new, very stressful job. Then there was that whole global pandemic, and then a LOT of political and social unrest.
      1. My novels might not take place in the real world (very often) but I am a person living in the world and I am not immune to its effects. All of this plays into the process too.
7. Revision, Round I
   1. Ugh. This round is all about reading the book. I print out the entire manuscript and read it in one sitting if I can. I take notes if anything good or bad stands out to me. I dread this moment of reading the book for the first time, but so far I’ve always been pleasantly surprised.
   2. So, I’ve got notes. I make goals based on those notes, and then I go back through the book and meet all those goals. This is typically big picture stuff. Scenes that don’t work, holes in the plot, restructuring scenes, etc.
   3. Try not to line edit, but inevitably do. Put all on-paper changes into the computer.
8. Revision, Round II
   1. Read it again. Print it out and take notes again. Note if any of the previous revision’s changes don’t work as planned.
   2. Make goals based on this read-through’s notes. These goals are still fairly big picture, but they’re getting smaller. More specific.
   3. Try not to line edit, but inevitably do. Put all on-paper changes into the computer.
9. Revision, Round III
   1. Read it again. Print it out and take notes again. Note if any of the previous revision’s changes don’t work as planned.
   2. Now, at this point, it should be pretty solid. If there aren’t any major notes, this is the point when I’ll give it to some trusted readers for feedback. Probably some sensitivity readers too.
   3. Try not to fiddle while I wait for feedback. Fail. Make changes in the computer too.
10. Revision, Round IV
    1. Gather feedback and decide what I agree with and what I don’t. This can be tricky because stories are subjective. I live by this quote from Neil Gaiman: “When someone tells you something is wrong with your story, they’re almost always right. When someone tells you how to fix it, they’re almost always wrong.”
    2. Make changes.
11. Revision, Round V
    1. Yep, still reading. Print it out. But this time, it’s less about notes. By now I’ve made all the big things work. I’ve done all the tough stuff and tweaked scenes and pacing and filled plot holes and added emotion where it’s needed. Now, it’s the fun stuff!
    2. LINE EDITS BABEYY. Now, knowing me, I’ve been doing some line editing all the way through because I can’t help myself. But this is where I get to wield my red pen like it’s a scalpel and just shave the book into something… glorious. Powerful.
    3. I love this step of the process. Can you tell?
12. Submit
    1. So, I come off the line edit step of the process and jump feet first into the Submission step. I send it out and let that editing high carry me into the abyss of publishing.
    2. Start the whole process over on the next project. It makes the next step a bit easier to bear.
13. Wait.
    1. Publishing is SLOW. Very, very slow. So, we wait. Often for months. The doubt trickles back pretty damn quick and I start to think I am an idiot for doing this and why would anyone ever want to read what I wrote?
    2. Ignore the doubt monster and keep working on the next thing.
14. Rejection.
    1. Look. This is part of the process. The more you submit, the more you’re rejected, the less it matters. Rejections don’t hurt anymore. They are simply part of the process.
15. Submit again.
    1. Keep throwing that story spaghetti at editors’ walls until something sticks!
16. Acceptance?
    1. This is never guaranteed. As a writer, I have absolutely ZERO control over which stories get published and which don’t. But, with persistence, I have a decent hit rate.
    2. If I do get an acceptance, I celebrate. I reward myself with dinner or a drink. No matter how small the magazine, a publication is worth celebrating.
    3. Tell EVERYONE. Scream about it into the void of the internet. That’s the whole point of publishing, right? For people to read what you wrote? To share it with the world? Why wouldn’t you promote your work? PROMOTE YOUR WORK!
17. Start again.
    1. I am always in the process. It looks a little different for each story, but I’m still always in it. Even when I think I’m not. And you know what? I find that oddly comforting.

BZ

Writer Brain Goes Brrrrrrrrr

I woke up this morning and found myself with an overabundance of thoughts. Writerly™ thoughts. So, I got dressed, loaded the dog in the car, and went for some iced coffee to drink about it. That didn’t cure me, so now I suppose I’ll just have to write about it.

First things first, I woke and scrolled through social media like every other mentally chucked Millennial I know. And no, I don’t know what “mentally chucked” means, but I liked it so much I’ve decided to keep it. So, I’m scrolling through the Pit of Despair that is Facebook when I stumble upon this post from V.E. Schwab.

In it she talks about how painful the drafting process is for her, and how she seems to continuously edit her own memory of the process. “The last book wasn’t this bad! I must be a fraud, or something’s wrong with this book!” etc, etc. Now, those of us who have followed her socials for awhile know that she has some sort of emotional outburst/meltdown during the drafting process of every book. That’s just how it goes. It’s part of her process.

Ah, The Process™.

And here we are. I woke up and while my brain was still all sleepy-eyed and unawares, we were forced to think about writing processes. It’s a popular topic. Invariably at every conference or reading, anywhere writers are to be had, they are asked about their “Process”. Nascent scribes ask in the hopes that they’ll be told the “secret” and some wizened storyteller will grant them the key to making it make sense.

There is no key y’all.

The Writing Process™ is deeply personal and unique to each writer. Often we share similarities or there are some common threads that make us all go, “ahhhh, yep. Been there.” But no two writers do it exactly the same (that’s what she said).

Also, and this was a much tougher lesson learned, no two stories require quite the same process. The Process™ can change based on the needs of the thing you’re writing. Which is deeply disconcerting when you feel like you’ve FINALLY got the hang of this writing business and now you’re starting all over again for the very first time. Which I think is what Ms. Schwab is talking about in her post. For her, drafting a novel feels like writing a book for the very first time. Every time. At least, to me, that would suck butts. Writing my first book was a big ol’ experiment in “I have no idea what I’m doing but here are some words on a page and I THINK if you read them in order there’s a story in there somewhere.”

And at the time, I loved that feeling. Mostly because I was so deeply proud that I’d managed to write a story that was more than 2500 words AND had a beginning, middle, and end. Up to that point the most I’d ever written on a single piece was 14k words and it fizzled and died on the page. That was when I learned that I couldn’t jump ahead and write the ending first. If I do that, then the story is “done” in my head and my brain just gives up on the whole project. Endings must come last.

I’d like to say that the subsequent books went differently, but deep down they didn’t. Sure, there’s a lot less trepidation and my gut instinct for when the story is working is pretty well honed now. But, no matter how much research or outlining I do, there’s always that element of “well, I have no idea what’s happening, but words are coming and I’m not about to pull this car over!” And I like that. It excites me. I get this whirlwind feeling in my chest that I’m being swept up in something that isn’t quite under my control and I’m not 100% sure where I’ll end up.

I guess it sorta feels like magic.

Then, of course, comes the revision process. This is where I have my meltdowns and emotional outbursts. Now, for short stories, revising is my favorite part. Cutting mercilessly and honing in on the themes and motifs? Tweaking and perfecting lines until they sing? Oh, yeah babeyy! That’s what I’m talking about!

But, content revision? On a novel? I’d rather vomit.

So, lemme just lay this out for the non-writerly folk who happen upon this blog and have somehow made it this far. Content Revision™ is looking at the book’s big pictures once the rough draft is complete (plot points, character development, pacing, etc.) and making sure they all do the things they’re supposed to. Making sure there aren’t any gaping holes and embarrassing missteps. Making sure the book makes sense and is, y’know, GOOD.

It’s hell in a word document.

My ADHD brain has a VERY hard time thinking this broadly. It gets distracted by little things, things that should come last in the process (like line editing) and then I have to stomp on the brakes and say, “wait… where were we?” There is a lot of stop/starting for me in this step of the Process™.

Thinking about the piece as a whole is… man. It’s just really hard for me. Even now, on the second revision for Tavi, I’m struggling to think of it as a whole book and not just a collection of scenes that need to be in a certain order. Ok, that makes it sound WAY less coherent than it actually is. It’s not just a collection of scenes. It is a whole book. A surprisingly whole book, I would say. I marvel that it came out of me!

Anyway, the point is that we all have different methods. It takes years to get a good handle on your own process, and even then it’s not something that ever really stops growing. The more you read, the more you study the Craft™, the more writing friends you make, the more prepared you are for when the story requires something more from you. Something new.

This is why writing is a skill. Art is a skill. You are constantly learning and experimenting, layering what you know with what you want to try. And sometimes it just doesn’t work. Sometimes, you reach too far, and you find yourself working on a story you simply aren’t equipped to tell yet. So, it goes in a drawer, literally, mentally, what have you. You put it away and you keep working on other stuff. You keep reading and writing and learning, until that story crawls itself out of the drawer, knocks on your skull and says, “Is it my turn yet?”

That’s the process. There is no universal secret. There is no magical key that makes creating easy. I’d say it does get easier, but I don’t even think that’s true. Creating doesn’t get easier, you get better. You just have to keep. going.

BZ

Taika, Take the Wheel

Bloggos,

What has happened to me? Goal setting used to be so easy! It was how I managed every aspect of my writing life, and it never steered me wrong. I was (am?) a goal setting pro! But now I stare at Tavi and though my natural instinct is to chunk it out into smaller bites and analyze how long it’ll take me to get to the next stage of the project… I can’t? Do that?

Every time I try a bigger, much more confident part of my brain swoops in and says, “nah. This ain’t that kinda project.” For some reason this part of my brain sounds like it’s from New Zealand. Probably because I’ve watched Thor: Ragnarok like three times this summer. If my inner-genius wants to channel Taika Waititi I am ALL for it.

I expected to feel adrift. How can I even function as a writer if I’m not setting SMART goals? What do you mean I haven’t completely scienced out how many weeks it will take to finish? If I don’t reverse plan, how will I know that I’ll get it done on time? Am I even me if I’m not obsessively Type-A-ing the shit out of everything?

And my Taika brain just shrugs, says, “I dunno, man” and then points to a part of the book. “But, maybe you could start by moving this bit over here? It just makes more sense there, yeah?” And then I look, and sure as shit, IT DOES make more sense there!

So, I guess this means it’s out of my hands. I’m letting the imaginary manifestation of my Writer Brain™, masquerading as Taika Waititi, take the wheel.

I’ll keep y’all posted as to how this goes…

BZ

Interview with Luna Station Quarterly!

Last month, Luna Station Quarterly published my short story “That Which Illuminates Heaven.”

Soon after they reached out to me for a short interview about the story and my process writing it (Read it here!).

Thanks so much to Cat Luria for the write-up and to the Luna Station Quarterly editors for selecting my story for publication!

(Cover art by Janaina Medeiros)

State of the Author

Good morning, Blogland.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my writing since I last posted. Like, a lot a lot. So I figured I should jot it all down and give you all an update as well.

Current Projects:

• Bell Biv Derailed
• In the Librarian’s Garden
• Sanura Trine
• Twins and the Haunted House
• The Shadowboxer
• Tavi
• Top Shelf Librarians Podcast

(Please note that these are all working titles and no I am not taking criticism at this time)

Bell Biv Derailed: I finished the rough draft of this story on Wednesday. I first got the idea in 2018 when we visited Munich and rode the metro every day. I finally sat down to write it in March of this year. That was one writing session. Then one while I was in Seattle, and then Wednesday. A total of three writing sessions and almost 2k words. The story is not remotely anything like the original idea, but I really like how it turned out, even though it’s super weird. The bones are quite good, I just need to dip into the horror a bit more and work on tension control. It’s a horror/comedy which is always tough to write AND intended to be Flash Fiction (<1,500 words), so we’ll see how it turns out. For now, I’m letting it marinate while I work on some other revisions.

In the Librarian’s Garden: I’ll be revising the second draft today. I spent most of yesterday afternoon revising the rough draft and feeling pleasantly surprised. This is a story I started at the beginning of the pandemic, when we were first really locked down. I put it on pause to focus on Tavi, and when that went south, I came back to it in September. BUT, that’s when my school district caught on fire and one of the major plot points of this story is that a school burns down soooooo that felt bad and I put the story in a mental drawer. Then November came around and I decided that, instead of writing a novel for Nanowrimo, I’d write short stories. I had enough of them lying around unfinished and I figured I ought to do something about that. So I finished the rough draft of this piece (and others). When I read it in January I hated it (and the others too) but looking back at January I kinda hated everything so I’m glad I didn’t pitch it in the bin. It’s actually a lovely, quiet little cottage-core piece of fantasy fiction that gives me warm fuzzy feelings when I read it. Dunno where the hell I can possibly submit it, but that’s a concern for when revisions are done. Today’s goals are tightening things up (it’s a bit meander-y) and upping the emotions in order to earn the ending.

Sanura Trine: This is another story I wrote during Nanowrimo. And honestly…? I don’t really remember much about it. I mean, I remember what happens in it, but I don’t really remember the writing. I remember being frustrated by it and feeling like I was treading water when I wrote it. I felt lost and disconnected from the piece and really struggled with it. I don’t know if it’s good. I do know it’s entirely too long (like 7k words or something ridiculous like that). So, I’ll take a look at it see what needs to happen. I remember liking the intro which was very sarcastic and anti-corporation but that tone vanished once the characters started interacting, sooo… We’ll see where it ends up. This story is not a super high priority for me at the moment and will probably sit for awhile longer.

Twins and the Haunted House: Another of the Nanowrimo projects. This thing is a beast. Another horror story (obvs), this one plays with overlapping First Person POVs and unreliable narrators. An unreliable narrator is something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write, but it’s so damn hard! Especially because I’m more of a discovery type writer. I have to write the rough draft to figure out what the hell is going on, which makes writing a big fat liar on the first go-around pretty much impossible. I only have about 2k-ish left to go (I’m very close to the end) but it’s still HUGE at over 8k words as is. I don’t have plans to return to this right now. It’s a horror piece set in the dead of winter — middle of summer is not a good time mentally for me to sit down to this one. Consider it on pause until Christmas break probably. Since it’s seeming like it might reach novelette or novella territory instead of short story, I’m not exactly eager to get back to it, haha. More words = more revision.

The Shadowboxer: This is another weirdo story. I’m beginning to wonder if I have any other kind? It’s a story that asks what evil is, how does it manifest? It’s a story about women, victimhood, and taking their power back. It’s also non-linear, features a POV from a floating cloud of sentient evil mist a la Lost, and a HUGE gap in time. Again. As a discovery writer, this is VERY HARD. There are three POVs one distant past, one near past, and one present and they all will intertwine to tell the story. In theory. That’s the goal. I put it aside last summer because I was struggling so much. I think this is a story that requires me to level up a bit. I also think that with this many POVs, it probably isn’t a short story and I’m kidding myself by approaching it as such. But, I’ll worry about that when the draft is done. Which won’t be for awhile. I would put this farthest down the priority list. It’s the hardest, I have the least words written for it, and I want to read more non-linear narratives before digging back into it. Consider it paused.

Tavi: Man. This book. I love it and it really is quite good, even in its second draft. But revising it is just SUCH a big job. I honestly think that’s what all the above is really about. I’m procrastinating the big scary project. Which, as far as procrastination techniques go, writing more fiction is the BEST ONE EVER! But, this book is the best thing I’ve written. I truly believe that. This is a book that I could query with, that could push my writing life into the next stage. And I think that has me running scared. So… we all know what I gotta do. I need to sit down, reacquaint myself, and get back in the trenches. My original goal was to have Tavi query ready by October 1st. I think that timeline is a little tight now. But, I think if I get started on it by August 1st, I can have it JUST about ready by November 1st. Take November off to draft a new project for Nanowrimo, then finish any remaining edits by January 1st. I’m spitballing here — I don’t really know how long it will take me. It turns out, I’m really bad at revising novels. My last novel revision attempt turned into scrapping the whole thing and rewriting it as a novella series. But that won’t happen with Tavi. She’s too complete, too strong of a character. This book feels very real, and not too far off from something I might pick off a shelf. I just need to make it the best I can and stop being such a chickenshit about it. This is my top priority after I finish revising In the Librarian’s Garden.

Top Shelf Librarians Podcast: Yep, we’re still making the show. We are actually recording tonight so expect the June episode sometime next week. Sorry it’s late, but I’ll get into why in the episode so stay tuned!

Stories Currently on Submission

• Lifelike
• A Lullaby for Mattie Barker
• The Lament of Kivu Lacus

Lifelike: My oldest story. I got the idea for it when I was still at community college taking creative writing classes. So… pre-2012. But I finished it in like 2017 or 2018. It’s a flash fiction piece about a haunted painter. It gets to the final round of consideration frequently, but no takers so far. I’m beginning to lose confidence in the story, mainly because I’ve been subbing it for so long and it doesn’t really reflect the quality of my work any more. I have leveled up well past it. I guess I could rework it, bring it “up to date”, but I don’t have any inclination or motivation to do so. I’ll keep sending it out and it’ll either eventually stick or eventually find its way to the Yuck Trunk folder. *Shrug*

A Lullaby for Mattie Barker: A much more recent piece that I finished in summer of 2019. It went through some extensive revisions in December and I submitted it to a local writing contest. It was a finalist, but did not place. So now it’s out, looking for a home. It’s another hard one to place. It’s a ghost story, but not horror. It’s historical fiction set after WWII, but also features an LGBTQIA+ main character. It’s quiet, not a lot of action. But it’s poignant and lovely and good. I just don’t know who wants lovely, quiet, heartbreaking ghost stories about queer characters.

The Lament of Kivu Lacus: This is the best short story I’ve written so far. It is a 2nd Person narration about marital issues, isolation, terminal illness and grief. I love this story so so much. It makes it to the final round of consideration consistently, so I just need to find it the right home. Again, another hard piece to place. The Science Fiction element is subtle, more setting than science, and 2nd Person is not a popular POV choice. But it’s my favorite bit of writing I’ve done. I love it very very much.

Recent Publications

• That Which Illuminates Heaven
• Unforgettable
• The Cost of Rain

That Which Illuminates Heaven: A story about a sentient space ship that plays matchmaker for her Pilot and Chief Engineer.

Unforgettable: A feminist retelling of Samson and Delilah in fewer than 300 words.

The Cost of Rain: An old woman and her horse traipse across a desert to make a deal with the devil.

Upcoming Projects

• Hunting Dr. Squatch

Hunting Dr. Squatch: Look. The title is dumb and makes me laugh and probably doesn’t even have anything to do with the story. It’s my Nanowrimo project, an all new novel, and it’s a Pioneer Oregon Weird Western. All I know is that there are monsters, a badass frontier lady, and a gay guy. I just got a mountain of books from the public library to start research this summer, so if my goodreads starts to look a little funky, that’s why. It’s still pretty nebulous up there, but I have my main characters starting to make some noise and clamoring for my attention, so I think I’ll be ready to start by November. Which means I REALLY need to get to work on Tavi.

So, yeah. That’s where I’m at. That’s what I’ll be working on and thinking about pretty much through the end of the year. I’ve also scoped out a potential writing conference to go to in October, specifically about women writing women in the west? Seems pertinent given my Nanowrimo project. We’ll see.

Also, I thoroughly enjoyed hunting down gifs and images for each project. Now then, I’ve wasted enough time. I need to do some revision and then hopefully get the office cleaned up before we record tonight.

See ya around, Bloggarts!

BZ

The Cost of Rain, OUT NOW!

Blogland!

One of my short stories was published today!

Read it HERE.

Talk at you all soon, Bloggarts.

 

BZ