I’ve had a bit of a rough week. I’m exhausted. Overworked. I haven’t been reading as much as I should, and I didn’t write a single thing. And finally I knew I had to admit something to myself.
I have anxiety. Legitimately. There are behaviors that I’m used to, that I’ve always considered a part of me, that aren’t “normal”. My mind never stops, and I’m constantly second guessing myself in every action and thought. Simple interactions become critique sessions, usually ending with the conclusion that I am “weird” or “dumb” or some other adjective that isn’t very kind. I’d like to say that I know my anxiety could be worse. I don’t have it as bad as others I know, and I am so incredibly thankful for that.
But lately these thoughts have been out of control.
Every week that I don’t meet my goals adds to the weight on my mind. Every book that I don’t read. I’m being too hard on myself, and yet, these are simple goals. Why can’t I achieve them?
I don’t know what the next step is. I’m reading up on anxiety. What it looks like, how to combat it. I’ve also looked into how anxiety and ADHD interact, because I have both. But short of medication, which I’m not currently open to, there doesn’t seem to be many options.
Exercise and eat better. Ok, yeah. I could do that. But when? I already don’t have time or drive to do the things I really love, let alone something I hate. Like jogging. And for the most part I don’t eat terribly. I eat at home mostly. Fruits and veggies, homemade meals, and I don’t crave carbs as much as I used to. I don’t eat many sweets, and I drink water more than anything else… well, besides coffee.
I think I just need a vacation. But there’s no free time in sight.
Anyway, before I let this post spiral out into some depressing lament of my current state of mind, let’s talk about Morning Star.
I loved this book. Seriously. Every single page upped the ante in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Brown does a wonderful job of tying up all the pieces, leaving no story arc unfinished.
Roque? Dealt with. Cassius? Dealt with. Aja? Dealt with. The Sovereign and the Jackal? Oh, fucking dealt with. And every single one was unique and powerful. They all fit their characters. Darrow’s interactions and decisions were believable, and often poignant. Darrow, and in turn the reader, held so much love for these Golds, despite their betrayals. And in Aja, the Sovereign, and Jackal’s cases, so much hate. Brown did a really wonderful job of treating them all.
I will say that the ending was a little conflicting for me. On one hand, my critical reading/writing mind thought the ending was too tidy. Everything wraps up in this tidy, damn-near pleasant bow. But as a fan, and someone completely obsessed and madly in love with the world and the characters, it was perfect. I cried and cried afterward, because I was sad and happy all at once.
This book, this whole series has everything you could ever want. Intense one on one combat. Seiges, large scale battles, and space battles galore. There’s awesome technology that is at once fantastic and yet understandable and believable. It’s fast-paced, intricately plotted, and character driven. It’s brutal, gritty, and yet sometimes damn poetic.
I would call Morning Star a triumph. I consider it the best of the three, but each book really stood out and earned a place in my heart separately.
I still find myself in a bit of a Red Rising hangover. I’m listening to playlists constantly. Thinking about Sevro and Darrow and Mustang still. I was so immersed. So enraptured in the world and the relationships. It’s proving to be difficult to move on, which is making the next book on my list so much more difficult to get through.
Poor thing never stood a chance.
Anyway, I recommend the series to anyone with an interest in Science Fiction. It’s a fantastic series that never quite twists in the ways you’d expect, and hits hard in all the feels, all the time. A great series.
Until next time Blogland,