The First Day Back

I’m about to log on to Skype and have my first ‘Speaking’ appointment for my french class.


Ok, it’s not really my french class. It’s this sort of, ‘hey don’t be completely unprepared for french 102″ thing. I think I talked about it. Basically, my instructor is totally awesome, and offered to let me participate along with the class, so that I don’t get rusty. Or, in my case, to shake off the four years of rust I’ve layered up since my 101 class.

And though the alphabet and numbers are beyond familiar to me, I’m still really nervous. I haven’t spoken french in around four years.And I’ve never spoken into a microphone, direct into another person’s ear, so they can hear every little nuance. What if my accent is terrible? What if I completely choke and say something so incredibly wrong that she laughs at me?


Add to it that I don’t really know how to use Skype, and I’m wigging out a little.

But, I used to be really good at French, and I have to remember that, most of the people she listens to have never spoken French before. My accent will probably be one of the better ones she hears this term.

But, I have to humble. Don’t want to get cocky in 101 only to get my ass kicked in 102.

And now I’m back to nervous…

It’s like a performance, in front of someone I don’t even know. I have no idea what she sounds like, or if she’s even nice. That’s not entirely true. She was nice enough to include me, and in my experience most professors are nice. It’s hard to be a total douche bag educator.

Fifteen minutes to go. A part of me wants to cram and re-read everything, but I know that I’m as practiced as I’m going to get. Time to put on that good old ‘fake it ’til you make it’ face.

The worst part about all these nerves? This isn’t even for a grade.

…I have really got to pull it together.



One thought on “The First Day Back

  1. I’ve had cases of nerves like that. typically on really big tests or public speaking for a grade. Tons of worry up until the moment of actually doing, and then I don’t have time for worry. I’ve learned over time that getting nervous serves no purpose, because if I couldn’t do it at all I wouldn’t be in a position to do it in the first place.

    So take the confidence of knowing that if you were truly incapable, you wouldn’t be there. Shake off the nerves and make it happen.

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