Goals-ish, and Metaphorical Acrobatics

Oh, Mondays. Usually a day off, the last couple have been busy. Today is no different. Today we have another shift meeting, and then I’m closing.

Really, let me be honest with myself. I am just busy.

In order of events:

Tomorrow- getting a tattoo, plan first dress fitting, purchase wedding invites
Sunday- Bridal Shower
the 29th- catering appointment
May 17th- final payment/pick up wedding rings, manicure appt., engagement photography
May 31st- have to be out of our current apartment

So, my every waking minute is filled with a torrent of wedding ideas, moving plans, and somewhere in there I’ve carved out space for writing and editing, and then within that is my personal time.

In short, I need a vacation.

So, last week’s goals. I wanted to finish chapter 12, and edit chapter 5. I finished chapter 12 on Monday, which worked out nicely, because I was a busy bee most of the week. I made a halfhearted attempt to edit chapter 5, but didn’t get very far.

So, this week I want to write chapter 13, and finish the edits on chapter 5, and maybe even edit chapter 6 while I’m at it.

But, the closer we get to July, the less time I’m going to have.

What’s left you ask?

I still have to solidify catering, though I think we’ve got it nailed down. Have to purchase invites, and then send them out. Need to make appointments for the dress fittings. Need to taste and decide on cake. We still need to book every aspect of our honeymoon(s).

I can’t think about it too much or it sort of downward spirals.

And the wedding isn’t the only stress in our lives. Trevor should hear something about the 911 job later this week, and we’re moving. There’s a lot of money heading out, but not quite enough coming in. But, I don’t want to make it about money. We’re doing well, better than a lot of people our age, and I won’t complain about finances here.

It’s been quite a few weeks since I’ve had a real weekend. It’s not anyone’s fault, but I’ve been switching a lot of shifts and requesting a lot of weird days off. And it’s only going to be worse as hurtle toward the wedding day.

If I could get a real weekend off, you know Saturday and Sunday, it would give Trevor and I time to really pack and clean and plan out wedding stuff. And it would give us some quality time together.

We’ve done well with the time we have together, and I love it. But there’s nothing quite like sleeping in together on a Sunday morning. Or going out on a Friday night, when neither of us have obligations the next day.

I want to have a normal person’s schedule. But, I can’t have that and write. At least not while I depend on Starbucks for a paycheck. Now, if I could write full time… talk about a dream.

Anyway, I should try and get some work done. Though, I’ll be honest, I’m not really feeling it right now.

It’s like I’ve been hurtling, blind, through this bog of work. And because I couldn’t really see it, I could continue. But, I’ve had several people ask me about my workload lately, and their shock at my output has made me stop and consider.

Am I working myself too hard? Probably. But I’m getting the results I want. Mostly. I’ve proven that I can take a four hour block and bust out a chapter, start to finish. I can take a chapter from rough draft to 2nd draft in two hours. It’s not a lack of ability or determination, or even discipline.

It is genuinely a shortage of time. I could write 20,000 words a week if I didn’t have a day job. But, I can’t afford not to work, nor can I afford to work part time. So my life has become a balancing act. How many things can I juggle while walking a tightrope with one arm tied behind my back?

More than I would have guessed. It’s the longevity I’m worried about. I just have to make it to August, after that I will suddenly have a lot of free time. I hope.

This post is getting a little ramble-ific, so I’m going to end it here. Wish me luck for this week. There’s a lot going on in the coming days, and I still want to make my goals. I’m in need of the good vibes.

 

BZ

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One thought on “Goals-ish, and Metaphorical Acrobatics

  1. You’re doing way better than you think you are. I’ve found that the moment I think I’m overtaxed, I actually am. If I keep a heavy workload but it doesn’t bother me, or at least I manage it with a good enough regimen of fun work (like writing), and not-as-fun work (my day job).

    I’ve told other people what I do on a daily basis, and it’s bugged more than a few eyes out. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it’s just what I do. So no matter how externally crazy it looks, if you’re holding onto it without anything other than the typical stress of being busy, you can handle it. 🙂

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