Waking Up

Holy hell, Blogland, have I made a mistake…

I congratulated myself too soon, and let external pressures convince me that taking a break would be a good thing.

It was a very, very bad thing.

I’ve spent the last two-ish weeks absorbed in the world of Mass Effect. Again. Instead of finishing my novel. I only need to write two more chapters… it could have been done by now if I hadn’t stopped to save the galaxy for the third time!

And so, I’m really mad at myself. Frustrated that I let one tense week at work derail all the hard writing I’ve done. Upset that I was so easily persuaded to abandon the schedule I created for myself. And to make it worse, I am now two lectures behind in Write About Dragons!

But, I will say this for myself: I’ve felt wrong these last two weeks. Sure, I’ve been completely relaxed. I will be the first to admit that plugging in 6+ hours into Mass Effect is probably the best way for me to unwind. But, when Trevor comes home from work, I feel as if I’ve been interrupted. How dare he want to spend time with me? The Reapers are invading!

And that’s not fair. Our schedules have changed, and we don’t have weekends off together anymore. So, naturally he wants to spend time with me when he gets home. And Mass Effect keeps me from wanting to do the same.

I want to take the space now to say that this is not a reflection on our relationship. This is me doing what is called hyper-focusing, a common behavior for those with ADD. And, usually, I’m always hyper-focusing on something. Music, writing, a good book, and often video games.

The problem is, I am already obsessive when it comes to Mass Effect, which you already know if you’re a long time reader, so add in a bizarre ability to ignore the world around me for days on end, and it just spells trouble.

So, even though he’ll never read this, I wanted to thank Trevor. He’s put up with my crazy, ADD, obsessive weirdness for almost six years now. He knows it’ll pass, and he treats me with more patience and understanding than I deserve by far.

It feels like waking up. Piece by piece the world of Mass Effect is falling off my shoulders, like roof shingles that have long needed replaced. My eyes feel clearer, and my senses feel sharper. I’ve been so plugged into a fictional world that I haven’t been a full participant in my own. Now, if this were due to a book, it would be different and wonderful. But somehow, when it’s a videogame, it doesn’t feel good. It feels like waking up from long night of partying.

And it’s a shame, because as stories go, Mass Effect is one of the best. But, I need to give it up for now, or only play with Trevor. No more solo missions for me, at least not until the novel is done.

So, the novel. Where am I? What needs doing? How do I get back at it?

Manuscript Word Count: 42,848
Chapter 19 finished Sept. 9th at 2,140 words.

That makes me feel a little better. It’s only been 9 days since I worked on the novel. But, after working on it five days a week for 3 months, those 9 days felt like an eternity.

So, in the novel, Val is about to face the final showdown. It’s the big moment in the book, and I’m a little intimidated by it. That could be part of why I looked for something else to do. But, I refuse to let this ending beat me. I’m finishing this novel THIS month.

I wrote the intro to Chapter 20 in the purple notebook on Monday while I waited for our shift meeting to start, but it’s admittedly bad. I couldn’t focus. My handwriting was complete crap because I couldn’t keep up with my thoughts. I ended up doing some free writing and doodling to clear up the clutter in my mind. Today’s feeling much better though.

I will say this, my handwriting looks kind of awesome when my creative energy is all pent up.

photo-10

 

That’s a lot bigger than I anticipated… Enjoy really crappy, handwritten, first draft writing guys!

Anyway, I’m back. I’m not giving up. I’ll see you all soon!

 

BZ

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